I skipped work to stalk him.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
