this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize