True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
