did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone came in the potted fern
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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