you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
