haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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