I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
