You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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