He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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