what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
