Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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