Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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