she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
