There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
