she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
