I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
