I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
