We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize