my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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