If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
