I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
