It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
