Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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