took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
