I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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