i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
