It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
