please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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