it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
