On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
