I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
