I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Come on in and take your pants off
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