No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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