home. puking in laundry basket.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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