there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
