Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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