I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
