so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
