Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A bitchslap is in order.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
