remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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