it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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