Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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