Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
