Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
