You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
