Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
