Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
