he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
