He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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