Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
