My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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