3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
