he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
try to milk me bitch
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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