Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Less talking, more tequila
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
