Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
