oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
