I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Who died my cat blue again?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
