Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
