After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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