Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
