OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
