I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
