I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
