turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
