So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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