Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
