Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
