why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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