i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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