the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize